When did you get married?
I got married on July 2, 2006. I was five months pregnant on the first anniversary of our marriage.
Was your pregnancy conscious or was it a surprise?
We can say that it was both conscious and surprise. My wife's and I's our second marriage. Actually, we got married for a little bit. We were already sharing the same house. We found ourselves at the wedding table in fifteen days, the wedding dress planted in a week, so she was extremely fast. Then I switched jobs. We said we should wait for the baby, but I'm already pregnant.
How did you know that you were pregnant and what were your first reactions?
I've waited so long to be a mother. It didn't happen during my first marriage, and now I'm losing hope. It was the end of February, around ten in the evening. I was unhappy, my mouth had no taste, there was a state of fatigue. I was smoking, and now I could smell it. I figured there was something weird. Then I couldn't remember the last time I had my period. The excitement enveloped Volkan and said, “I'm going to look for a pharmacy on duty, ama but I was desperate because I've lived this many times before! Even though I said, “Let it go, there is nothing”, he went to the pharmacy and returned with great enthusiasm. “Let's do it,” he said. I was hopeless but still excited. After doing the test, I left it in the bathroom and returned to the room. Five minutes later the volcano left. “How many lines should there be? Or he shouts, two. “How are two? Sor he asks, im I went to the bathroom, I looked pregnant. We hugged each other, we cried, and then we looked for families.
How was your pregnancy?
The first six months were catastrophic. Constant nausea, vomiting and retching. I've hardly opened the fridge for six months. Apart from unsalted cheese and bread, all I could eat was plenty of minty highland soup. I distributed all my perfumes to others, removed liquid hand soaps at home. I could only use white soap. Even the water smelled to me. At that time, my mother and Volkan washed me because I was closing my nose with one hand. Now vomiting and retching reached such a point that one morning when I was combing my hair I saw that my hair was red, we immediately went to the hospital. Turns out my capillaries cracked. At the end of the sixth month, this condition was cut like a knife and my appetite opened.
How did you get fed later?
After the sixth month of my pregnancy, I always wanted sweets. I've never had a problem with losing weight. I ate what I wanted, I enjoyed it. I walked a lot, I was already doing sports, but I swam during pregnancy. It was very good to swim during this period.
During which month of pregnancy did you work?
I worked for the last fifteen days. They made fun of me, saying I was gonna be on the air.
Wasn't it difficult?
The time I had nausea was like torture, but it was fun when I started growing. My hands and feet never swollen. My stomach was too big, I just swallowed a ball, there were people who thought it was twins. The last months of my pregnancy coincided with the summer period. I wore colorful dresses, shorts overalls and I feel much better. This was also positively reflected in my work.
How was the birth?
Actually, I wanted a normal birth, but Daghan's position didn't fit. Epidural caesarean section. Well, it's a good thing he did. Because of health problems, normal birth would be very risky, both for me and for the baby. My wife was with me at birth. It was exciting and fun. The excitement hit my chin, I kept talking. Then Dağhan was born… At first I didn't understand that there was a problem, my wife understood. At that moment the camera was on record, when I watched it in the operating room, I saw the unclear hurry… Interventions to Dağhan… He was immediately taken to the intensive care unit.
How did you learn?
A few hours after the birth, my doctor told me, accompanied by a psychologist, I could not detect before. Because what he said was very foreign. Then there was an inability to cry. Of course the world was destroyed by me, who is indestructible! While you expect everything to be normal, you are suddenly faced with a situation you never expected.
Did nothing happen during pregnancy tests, controls and ultrasound images?
Not understood, not understood… Actually now when I think it is good to say I do not understand. Maybe they would want to end the pregnancy, and I wouldn't have such a sweet angel.
What did you experience and what did you do afterwards?
Then there were plenty of doctors, surgeries, hopes of despair.
What did you feel when you first held Dağhan on your lap?
It was like a dream… For a moment I thought everything was a dream. It is said to live inexplicably, the words are missing what I feel at that moment.
How was your relationship with your partner during this period? Because in such turns, spouses either get too close or get away, how did yours become?
It's a tough question… Actually, we didn't get away, we got even more engaged, but we turned from two lovers to two good friends. Yes, it's a good thing, but marriage is not just an institution of friendship. We had a very passionate relationship. After Dağhan, this passion and energy turned towards our child. With Ben Dağhan, he was more busy with his job. When we said we were close, we saw that we were walking away. We could not talk about anything except Dağhan. We were a couple of long hours chatting and having fun together. Well, we didn't have that. In fact, we asked the question whether we should continue separately for a while, but it was Dağhan who united us again. Our family supported us, we went on holiday, we started to flirt again and we recovered.
Who named Dağhan?
Dağhan means the inn of the mountains. It was my favorite name. My best friend was the name mother.
I was only able to breastfeed for twenty-five days. When a doctor told me about Dağhan, my milk was cut like a knife. So we went on with the formula.
Does your partner help you with child care?
Now he does orum I understand him much better now. I was very angry at first, but then when we talked, I realized how scared he was, that he was alone. Now he gets his food, changes his diapers, puts him to sleep. Father and son even go for a ride.
Wasn't it difficult to return to the screens two months after birth?
No way? But I had to work. I had to rebuild my life, put it in order and blend into life. After work I was excitedly returning home. After starting work, I began to feel better psychologically and physically.
Did motherhood change you? What did it take and what did it take?
He changed a lot, made it stronger, like any mother. Healed my wounds from the past, matured them, increased my patience. She made me a better woman.
How is Dağhan now? When will their treatment end?
Dağhan is good dı He started to walk slowly. He can't keep his balance yet, his legs need to be strengthened. This is a long process. We don't know exactly what awaits us. Previously, our monthly plans and expectations were extended. This is a good thing. The current work is for Dağhan to start school with a delay of maybe a year and to catch up with his peers quickly.
What kind of mother-son relationship do you have?
It's full of love ancak I can only call it that. We are very good to each other. We're healing each other with my son.
Did you say I was a strong woman after all this?
I can't be humble about it. I mean, yeah, I'm a very strong woman.
Do you think of a second child?
I think and I'm scared. Let Dağhan walk, talk first. Of course, I do not think if it would be unfair to Dağhan baby if a second child. I want to get out of those thoughts, but I don't know when. Dağhan is enough for me to laugh or cry for now.
Interview: Müge Serçek Biroğlu