Mom tells what REALLY happens after birth (it's hilarious!)

Mom tells what REALLY happens after birth (it's hilarious!)

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No mater how completely prepared you are for childbirth, there are things that will happen after your baby is born that will probably shock you.

A lot of it is unpleasant. Maybe that's why it doesn't tend to get covered in the baby books. These are the unspoken truths of brand new motherhood. Unspoken until now, that is.

When British mom Bekki Pope, who blogs at Mummy Mumbles, welcomed her son Barnaby she quickly realized there was a lot about postpartum that nobody had told her. So she decided to warn other expectant moms what they were in for, penning a post titled, "20 things to know the day after you've pushed out a baby..."

It's brutally honest, and absolutely hilarious. Here are just a few of her 20 reveals:

#2: Your first wee. Take a jug with you and pour it over your bits like you're trying to be a star in some very disturbing porno. It helps.

#7: Your first shower will be like a scene from Carrie. It's normal. It may feel like you'll never be right again and that you'll walk like John Wayne forever, and you might, but you'll feel so much better for the shower. You're literally washing away your sins. (If the baby was born out of wedlock anyway....)

#10: You will say the word 'latch' more than you have ever said it in your life. And the idea of a tiny person casually sucking on your nipples suddenly becomes a reality. At this moment, you will feel like an actual proper mum. And a cow.

#12: The hospital food is as bad as it is so that people decide they would rather be in pain and at home than eating 'peaches and custard'. The custard is hot wee with a splash of breast milk mixed in, and the peaches are body parts that have been soaked in sugar over night. And don't eat the chocolate mousse. Just don't.

#14: Everyone you've ever met will want to come to the hospital to see you. People get overexcited about visiting hospitals. They feel VIP when they walk in to a ward. You are a VIP- a very in-pain person. And you look and feel like death. So only accept visitors if you are up to it. You're still so high on drugs that making conversation with adults is like trying to sieve flour with a fishing net. Everything just pours out of you and none of the shit is stopped getting through...

#17: Everything's angry. Your brain is angry, your eyes are angry, your tummy, your bladder, your bum. Your vagina isn't angry. It's [email protected]&king livid. Give it a while to calm down but right now, you and she ain't friends...

Bekki's post has quickly gone viral – a sure sign that this is information moms really need to know.

“There was so much that nobody warned me about,” Bekki, 29, explains. “I felt I owed it to all the expectant moms to give an honest account of how a big body pushes a little body out.”


There was so much about those first hours I was not expecting. The squirt bottle. The adult-sized diapers. The fact that I still looked totally pregnant. The fact that everybody would see my boobs!

I think Bekki saved her best advice for her final point, though: "Stop worrying. You're not superwoman. There is no such thing as normal, and there is no such thing as perfect. You are your baby's normal. You are your baby's perfect. They aren't judging you. They are completely reliant on you and being responsible for another human being is not a piece of cake. It's a piece of 'oh my god I can't do this'. You can.... There's nothing you can't do. Except sleep. You can't do that anymore."

Photo: Thinkstock, Morguefile/sskies

This post was originally published in September 2016.

Opinions expressed by parent contributors are their own.

Watch the video: What Really Happens To Your Body When Youre In Labor (February 2023).

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