It's not really easy being a working mom. On the one hand, the business woman on the other hand the responsibilities of being a mother on the other, sometimes people wonder what to do. This week we are also a guide to mothers “Working mothers and their babiesPed We talked with Expert Pedagogue Zehra Yılmaz.
Some mothers are interrupting the study because of birth. What is best for these mothers?
0-3 years of age It is the period when the mother needs it most. The healthiest way to meet the requirements of this period is to spend as much time with the child as possible. Of course, mothers have a great share in the education of the child. The baby needs mothers not only for their physical needs but also for their psychological and educational needs. We see that this need gradually decreases with age (especially starting from kindergarten after 3 years of age) and the child gradually turns towards other individuals around him. With the start of the games with the other children, the child will be more outward, but he will still call the mother. Particularly, the living conditions become more and more difficult, necessitating the mothers to return to work shortly after the birth of the child. However, in such a case, keeping working hours short and arranging part-time work by the workplaces can be suggested as a solution. Thus, in the first years of life, the child will not be away from the mother for long hours. However, one thing to be aware of is to spend more time with the child than to spend quality time together.
Can being a child of a working mother adversely affect the child's psychology?
From the birth of the child mothers who stopped working and there may or may not be psychological differences between the children of mothers who return to work after a while. This is mostly related to the quality time that mothers devote to their children. If the mother is at home all day and cannot spend significant time with her child for a few minutes, she will have at least some educational problems. If the working mother can significantly evaluate the limited time available to her child, her child's development will be more positively affected. Of course, the working hours of the mother, the time of arrival and the time spent at home and how the mother is at home during these hours will affect the child positively or negatively. An aggressive, constantly tired, weary, unhappy mother, whether or not she works, will of course affect the child in a negative way. For this reason, instead of having mom's moments with her child, having problems at work or at home and having personal problems, it should be tried to make the moments of behaviors, facial expressions, movements and the tone of her voice dominate by a loving, understanding and patient attitude. So the important thing is not the mother's work or not, but the quality of the time she spends with her child.
Is it better to leave the child to the grandmother or the nanny?
The answer depends on the family. Especially in our country working mothers Since 0-3 year-old nurseries, workplace care centers or kindergartens are not common in large cities, families prefer a caregiver or a grandmother or grandmother if they live nearby. Here, rather than who will take care of the child, the quality of care and education, the child's need to grow with love and care is important. However, families prefer a person from the family. Whoever cares for the child, it is important that the parents have the same attitudes as the educational attitudes. If the child is cared for by a caregiver or grandmother (and other relatives) who say yes to the parents' no, educational problems will be inevitable and the child may become a child who gets someone to do whatever he or she wants.
How should we explain to the child (why the mother goes to work every day)?
When children reach a certain stage in language cognitive development, they begin to ask questions, and as age gets older, the types of questions begin to vary. Therefore, questions and answers vary in proportion to age. The questions asked by a 3-year-old child and the 5-year-old child's questions will be different, and the answers to be given should be different. As the age decreases, the answers should be given with words and short sentences that the more concrete child can understand. Before we tell the child that I'm going to work to make money, we need to think about whether he understands this statement. The development of each child is unique. For this reason, parents know what their children understand and do not understand and generally use expressions in this direction. If the child finds it sufficient and understands the answer to the question, he will not ask the question for a while to be silent. If the child does not understand what is said or finds the answer insufficient, he will then ask another question. (Unless he has been prevented and scolded from asking questions before). When the mother goes to work, the child will cry after the mother for a while, although she says at first that she will come back in the evening she is supposed to go (if the sun doesn't know that she can go to the house if she doesn't know the evening), they will be together and play. The child, who sees that the mother dur stands in his word ”and returns when he leaves, will eventually adapt to this situation. For this reason, telling the truth to the child and obeying the word, and fulfilling the word is important for the development of trust in both the mother and other people in the future.
It should not be forgotten that when new processes start in each system, there is a conflict between the elements of this system. Conflicts are inevitable in the formation of different balances. This is not only the mother's reaction to her starting or going to work, but is generally valid in relationships with the child and in other areas of life.
Is it right to give to the nest at a very early age?
If the care institution is a qualified institution, it can be considered that the right choice is made if it can support the child's biological, psychological and social development at the desired level and provide opportunities for them. Another answer to this question is the families: choosing according to their needs and economic opportunities. For example; sometimes families tend to leave the child for a week because their close relatives (grandmother, grandmother…) live far away and it is very difficult to take them home in the evening. In such a family, taking care of the child in the nursery at work will prevent parents from staying in the evenings. In kindergarten, the appropriate age for kindergarten education is between 3-6 years.
Why do 2-year-old syndrome (stubbornness, moodiness) occur?
The child who develops very fast between the ages of 0-2 now realizes that he is an individual. As he realizes that he can do his physical skills, he uses it to communicate with other people. This use is sometimes in the form of having it said no, asking it to be what it says, sometimes expressing that it belongs to itself (mine), asking to be heard, sometimes not giving other people the opportunity to talk, and asking to be talked with it in the form of being and individual. In fact, this period is a period in which the child has progressed in the field of language development and has reached a level where he can make a mutual word challenge with the adult. Often there is controversy, stubbornness, a yes, a no, it follows the reaction of the adult and can behave in a new and different way according to its result. From a developmental point of view, such features are generally seen around 2.5 years of age and language cognitive development is more advanced than their peers. We also see that some children show behaviors similar to the characteristics of this period from the age of 2 years.
How to deal with children who are extremely stubborn at this time?
The most beautiful approach in this period is to be a stable and stable model of behavior and expectations from the child. Stubbornness with a child who keeps them in line with his wishes always makes it difficult. Therefore, if a request can be made, it should be said yes before stubbornness. As they see a determined parent in the face of the child, these fastenings will diminish over time, which can adapt more quickly.