One of the most challenging scenes for working mothers is when it is time to leave the child in the morning to 'go to work'. The most frequently expressed by mothers are the moments that the child cries saying gitme go to work,, struggling not to leave the mother or not to get out of the car in front of the nest and to leave the mother at the school door. Mothers are confused about what to do and feel helpless. Fatma Tosun, a psychologist and psychotherapist at Kadıköy Şifa Hospital, explains how working mothers can cope with their feelings of guilt and organize their lives.
Mothers' problems during the 'break-up hours' in the morning worries “I wonder if I made the wrong decision?”, Mı Would it be better if I didn't work? ”, Mı Should I quit the job? they ask themselves many times. They also try to overcome problems while experiencing an internal conflict.
In fact, miy Am I a good enough mother? ”, M Can I meet my child's needs as much as necessary?
How can the working mother overcome these problems?
- The working mother ties almost all the problems that arise with the child to the fact that she is a çalışan working mother, and that she cannot give enough attention and love to her child. First of all, mothers should stop issuing invoices in every question.
- He should also take responsibility for his decision to become a working mother and think about how to plan his life as a working mother.
- The biggest problem of working women is the fatigue and boredom that occurs over time due to the burdens of responsibilities at home and at work. For this reason, the child and home responsibilities should be shared with his wife. He must ask his wife for support. Even this support group should be extended as much as possible. In case of emergency, an extra support group should be established which may require assistance. Reliable close friends, relatives etc.
- cries when leaving your child to the caregiver or school, leaving you with difficulty; concede that this is normal behavior for a child of this age. Don't feel guilty. Do not try to persuade him to silence him, especially “the mother has to work, he has to make money”. He does not understand them at this age and feels that his own feelings are not understood. So when you leave, put a kiss on the cheek and say: ün You are sorry that the mother is going to work, you miss the mother, and I miss you very much. I will come home immediately after work ”saying goodbye briefly. Don't stretch this scene too long even if it cries. He will calm down shortly after you.
Let your child see as you go. Don't try to sneak out.
- Forgive yourself about things you can't do. Go to work peacefully. Remember you don't have to make everything perfect.
- The mother who feels that she cannot take care of her children suffers most of her time by feeling guilty. It shows extreme interest.
- Difficulties in setting limits, behaviors with high tolerance level.
- He tries to get everything the boy wants.
- He says “YES de where he should say” NO uyla with guilt.
In this way, the balance between the child's attention and disinterest can be disturbed.
- Set your priorities.
- Rest. Take your time. A rested mother can direct her attention to her child better. Instead of spending two hours in a forced, tired way with the child; a time spent for yourself, a rested and enjoyable time playing with the child, it is more useful to spend time talking to him.
- Learn to ask for help. Your wife, your friends, your parents. Getting support at regular intervals makes you feel better. “Yes orum I am supported, you feel that I am not alone.
- One day a week with your partner, you can leave your job 1 hour early. You can make up for this 1 hour another day at work. If you can't do that, you can solve a few weeks by spending time. These small situations are very important for children.
- If your child goes to school and comes on a bus service, you may be able to pick him up from the day care center.
- Keep in mind that if you want to pursue a career or have to work, it does not mean that you love your child less.
- Be aware that you cannot become a full-time parent as a non-working mother. Enjoy both your work and your motherhood. Remember that children need to have a happy and fulfilled mother. Remember, it's better for the kids.
What I noticed in our interviews with my clients; some of the working mothers devote a large part of their time to their children. Thus, because they are not rested, not calmed, their heads are full of thoughts; they can see their children nervous, frustrated and angry, and even hindered them at many points in their lives. In order to cope with these feelings of guilt, they can exhibit inconsistent behaviors against the child.
However, it is necessary to establish a balance in life. 'Employee role' at work, 'wife role' at home - 'mother role', 'friend role' in social group, etc. When you look at it, we have many roles in life. Instead of being stuck between these roles, we create the harmony and balance we need to achieve in our lives when we are at peace with these roles.
It is important to be more calm in the face of children's wishes and to say “no ğinde when necessary. The more harmful it is to set strict limits on the child, the more harmful it is not to set limits.
It is more useful for parents to take care not to manage their fears and worries in their relationship with their children.